Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Touching True Story : WHAT GRUDGES CAN DO....

I received this forwarded email and I liked the story so much that I wanna put this up onto this post for sharing. Beware if you are reading this post while at work. The content may cause some red swollen eyes at the end ...

This is for all the single, married, divorced, separated, widowed individuals, who take life for granted. Please I BEG YOU, read this story until the end, it is such an opener. You will never know…………………….!

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.

Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.

For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.

Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.

I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him:
"What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out.

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.

At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.

Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My God, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.

As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother..

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.

I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.

I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me:
Following mother's death so did our love for each other...

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him..

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.

He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.".........

This is a true story...

I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger!

Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience....

Communication with your loved ones is THE key.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Busy Week Doing Cleaning

Busy, busy, busy ....

I have been cleaning the house since Monday. Gonna do more cleaning these few days till Friday. Jiayou! ;)

Monday, May 18, 2009

A New Week

Here's the start of another new week. Have been feeling quite guilty as I have not done much housework last week. So this week I am going to dedicate most of my time tidying and cleaning up my house. Jia you !!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Scent of a Woman

I am not going to talk about Scent of a Women : The Movie today. I am actually going to talk about something that we find it disgusting in our daily lives. Guess what I am going to discuss about?

Body odour (did you guess it right?).

This thought came to me yesterday when I found that my whole kitchen was "conquered" by the oily smell after a long struggle whipping up dishes in that small space of mine, even the cooking hood's filtering system had proven useless. And what makes me annoyed was I smelled like my grease-enveloped kitchen too, even after a bath :(

Then I started to ponder. Ever since I have become a full time housewife, I have been frequently surrounded by smells of cooking oil, laundry detergent, cleaning liquid, etc. And these scents started to become part of my "body odour". Yuck, what a gruesome thought !!

No, I cannot let these spoil the olfactory delights of those who stand near me. So I'll go in search for ways to infuse fragrance around me.

Of course, the easiest method is for me to get a daytime wear feminine scent (such as Bob Mackie perfume) which I can easily get it online. I could also get to choose a wide variety of perfumes at any shopping centers.

And another alternative is for me to create my own.

Now, are you starting to think what I am thinking? (*winks*)

How to Pan Fry Salmon Steak with Peppers : 7 Easy Steps Recipe

Yesterday I pan fried a salmon steak and the result is the best up till now in my salmon cooking experience. The fish ended up crispy on the outside but tender and juicy in the inside. Even my hubby gave good review! (this is the first time he give good comment on my cooking so I am very very happy *dancing around in the room*) :D

I like this dish a lot as it is so delicious yet simply too easy to prepare. And I'll share how I did it here with you all.

1. First, smear some coarsely grounded black peppers onto both sides of salmon steak (flesh side and skin side).
2. Then rub some olive oil all over the salmon.
3. Heat up the frying pan (without adding any oil).
4. When the pan is hot enough, fry the salmon with skin side down.
5. Cover the pan till the salmon is turning pale about 1/3 thick.
6. Turn the salmon to the other face and repeat step 5.
7. Pan fry left and right side of salmon too in order to trap in the fresh salmon juice inside the salmon.

Voila! And here you are. A healthy, tantalizing delicious and easy to cook Pan Fry Salmon Steak with Peppers, a successful creation of CECiL ;D

Thursday, May 14, 2009

My Reproductive Health Diet Plan for This Week

Following will be my plan for my reproductive Health Diet for this week

Choose : low glycaemic carbohydrates - whole (not refined) grains
Avoid : Sugar and white/refined grain

Need : an average sized serving (equivalent to the palm of your hand) of protein-providing food at least 2x a day before conception

Fish : Salmon
Dairy : Natural Cultured non-flavored yoghurt / Goat's milk
Legumes/Pulses : Tofu
Eggs : Organic
Nuts/Seeds : Juices

Need : minimum 40% of total food intake
Choose : organic whenever possible. A wide variety, especially dark green leafy, red and orange.
Avoid : Pre-prepared salads

Need : 2 - 3 pieces daily as a maximum because of the high sugar content
Choose : organic and low glycaemic whenever possible
Avoid : Dried fruits

Choose : lots of cold-pressed oils on salads (extra virgin olive or flaxseed). These oils are high in beneficial essential fatty acids if never heated. They can be poured over food after cooking, and used on bread as a butter substitute. They should be kept out of light (in dark containers) & in the fridge (except olive). Add lemon/pepper/garlic/herbs to dressing.
Avoid : saturated and trans fats

Choose : Purified water – drink 8 to 12 glasses daily
Avoid : Alcohol, coffee, tea

Exercise - Yoga (minimum 30 minutes 3-4 times every week)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

How to Repair CD With a Microwave

I came across this Youtube video on How to Repair CDs with a Microwave when I was doing some search on microwave.

Initially I was thinking is this Real or Not? Well, you'll get your answer if you read the Text Comments at the original link.

Enjoy yourself with this :D

Monday, May 11, 2009

Guangzhou (Canton) : Oh, Glorious Food !

Remember I mentioned about me envying the life of people in China in one of my previous posts? In fact one of the cities in China that make me feel most like staying for good is Guangzhou (which is also called Canton). Why?

First of all, there is too much good food around. Guangdong, the province where Guangzhou is located, is famous for the best cuisine and delicacy in China. Thus, people there get to taste mouth-watering spread anywhere and anytime of the day.

And of course I won't let myself be left out of the train when I was there ;)

One of my Dim Sum breakfasts in Guangzhou

Basically I was eating most of the time when I was in Guangzhou (Canton). Every early morning was marked by Dim Sum breakfasts in some of the famous restaurants there. And mind you, I really have to be very early to beat the crowd. So every morning I reach the restaurants at around 7am and thought that I will be able to catch the worms (you see, I never start taking breakfasts so early back when I am in Singapore).

But how wrong was I! The restaurants were fully packed most of the time. And I ended up either waiting for the next available empty table or had to share tables with others.

"Tao Tao Ju"
A famous age old Dim Sum restaurant since Qing Dynasty

The ambience makes me wanna linger on even when I am full

And I had some culture shock! When the locals are having breakfasts at the restaurants, they will be sitting there for hours, sometimes till nearly noon time. This is because most of them are either retrenched or retired. Unlike the elders in Singapore (who are mostly too busy looking after their grandchildren), those in Guangzhou enjoys a leisure life as the ratio of grandparents to kids is 4:1 and the kids are either at nurseries or schools on weekday mornings.

Fully occupied restaurant - with elders and retrenched

There was even one lady in early forties that I came across, who were retrenched and is now living on a pension of more than RMB1,000 per month! For someone who is not working but getting paid that much monthly (in comparison to Chinese living standard), isn't that an envy for those who are caught in the rat race like us?

With good food and relaxed lifestyle, that's why I said the Chinese are enjoying their lives there!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Mas Selamat arrested in Malaysia

Today I read this news that Mas Selamat arrested in Malaysia in Channel News Asia and I had actually known it all along.

And I am going to smile gleefully to my hubby and tell him when I see him later

"See, I have always told you that Mas Selamat have been in Malaysia all this while!"

and take this opportunity to add in

"... and you gotta believe me whatever I tell u in future" ;)

And you wonder how come I have known it since the beginning?

It is a no brainer.

Malaysia Customs at Johor Bahru (JB) had always known that Mas Selamat had escaped to Malaysia and the authority had tried to inform Singaporeans but nobody took any action on it.

And you wanna know how I know?

This is because I always notice the banner "SELAMAT DATANG KE MALAYSIA" right after crossing the Causeway !!

(SELAMAT DATANG KE MALAYSIA = Selamat has Come to Malaysia)

PS. Most people thought that it is just a "Welcome to Malaysia" banner, but Malaysia government had to be very discreet in informing us so that this will not alarm Mr Mas Selamat.

Ain't I a clever detective in the making ? ;P

How to Swallow Big Pills?

For the past few weeks I have been consuming some pills ...


Some big pills ... !


Some very big pills ... !!


Some very very big pills !!!

And worse is to take 2 DIFFERENT BIG PILLS together everytime !!! *crying*

PILL 1 - A Big Blood Red Capsule

Pill 2 - A Huge Pinky Tablet

Initially I had difficulty swallowing them down my teeny weeny little throat.

Then I start chewing the Pink Tablet into smaller pieces before gulping them down one by one. But the taste is sooooo unbearable !

Luckily the capsule is not much an event for me as the smooth surface could easily glide down my throat.

Can anyone gimme some tips on how to swallow the pink one easily?

PS. I am not unwell. These pills are just supplements :)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Free Online Calculators

Following are free online calculators that you can use to help manage your home finances :

Savings Calculator :

Credit Card Payments Calculator :

Loan Calculator :

Mortgage Calculator :

Auto Loan Calculator :

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Cheap pseudo Crocs Beach Clogs

Guess what I had done when I was in China? Of course lots of shopping! In the end I ended up buying 2 new luggage bags to fit in all my stuffs to bring back home :)

In fact I had been thinking of getting this Crocs Beach Clog for quite some time. I tried it in one of Crocs' store at Plaza Singapura last month. But the price was around SGD 55 !

Then I found it at a range of USD 18 - 30 at Amazon, as shown below :

But in the end, I found something that looks a bit different but feels about the same in comfort level at one of the city in China for less than SGD 20 per pair!

And of course in the end I bought nearly a dozen of them back in different sizes and colors for relatives ;)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Thoughts on China and Hong Kong

Here I am again after MIA for some long period of time ;)

Just came back from overseas trips, in fact from China and Hong Kong.

Actually this is not the first time of me visiting these two places. But this time, the feeling is very much different from previous trips. In most of the trips before, I was always too preoccupied with business agendas, travelling non stop from one place to another.

As I am able to stroll leisurely at my own pace this time round, I begin to see China and Hong Kong from another different perspectives.

Previously, China to me was a country furiously trying to build its nation via industrialisation and pseudo-capitalism. That was because most of the places I visited previously were more of industrial estates and corporate organisations type of nature. However, China to me now is a buzzing place full of its own culture, history and way of life. Chatting with locals and living their lives open up my eyes on how advance China can be and how some of their people actually enjoy their lives better than us in Singapore, in general. At one point, I was even entertaining the idea of retiring in China. (But I know I won't as I still prefer my own motherland and the place I am in now at this moment) ;P

And Hong Kong sets me thinking in the other direction. As I shun normal hotels this time, I am staying much closer to the real lives of Hong Kongers. I can really feel the stress and hectics of life and crampyness of space. Glad I am not forever living this kind of life. Not that I don't like Hong Kong. It is just that it does not suit my palate in long run. But definitely, I am open to visiting Hong Kong again in future :)
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